How many times have you felt at war with yourself? How often have you had to change your opinion or the way you do things but couldn't truly explain why? I just had my first child, a beautiful boy, close to four months ago, and I find myself split between my feelings, my instinct, and my logic. I thought I was ready for this new season in my life, but I am at war with myself more and more often. I don't promise answers, but I'll share how the war is going. And if I happen to be at peace, why, I'll share that as well for a bit of comfort.
My heart is full of feelings. It loves, it grieves, it reminds me to give thanks. Unfortunately, unless I keep a firm hand on it, those feelings often turn to guilt, envy, and depression. I don't know why, but I'm working on it. I find talking helps. This is me talking so that my husband won't be overwhelmed. :)
My gut isn't often wrong. However, it doesn't always help me out, preferring to sit back and watch the heart and mind duke it out. Sometimes it only produces vague warnings. I wish it would speak up a little more often. And more clearly.
And my mind is full of fluff and nonsense. Rather smart nonsense, but still irritating to wade through when I consider my every day life. I tend to daydream and to get bored. I like to know things, but often get ahead of myself or plan so far into the future I get discouraged. My son is teaching my to focus on right now, and not look so far ahead.
My son is teaching me many things. To crave joy and be thankful. To improve myself and want to be better. To fight to live a beautiful life, with, or in spite of, my heart, gut, and mind.
Welcome to the battle. :)
