The Aftermath of Christmas

Well, the Thankfulness series is finished. I promise to update with what our Christmas was like, how thankfulness helped, and the internal battles that were raged. After all, that's why I started writing! To give those waging that internal war the comfort that they are not alone, and to see how someone else does it. But all of that will be in another post. Right now I'm recovering from the holidays! And moving my mother to a new house, which must be completely done by Saturday. If my son cooperates, I will write as he eats. More to come soon, I promise!

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 25. Merry Christmas!

A little strange to be posting on Christmas, I know. But I assure you I am at my in law's house opening presents right now. :) I scheduled this one ahead of time when I realized I'd started the 25 days on the 1st and not November 30th, as would have been prudent. Today I know I will be thankful for everything I've been given. Not just the goods I receive today, but everything in the past year.

I am especially grateful for the gift of my son. My husband and I waited what felt like a long time to welcome him to our family. I'm grateful for his smile and his beautiful laugh and the fact that he looks pretty much exactly like my husband. I love his adoring face in the morning and the way he is happy with everyone, but really prefers his mama.

I am grateful for my husband, who takes out the trash and puts up with my nonsense. Who likes to be able to order for me at restaurants because he know what I like. Who can pick out books for me and likes to take me to Disneyland for dates. Who plays with our son and isn't afraid to be the bad guy when necessary. Who likes everyone, but really prefers his wife.

And for everything that has happened in the past year. It has been a bit of a bumpy road. But God has blessed me so much, way beyond anything I have ever known. I am still finding little blessings everywhere that I never noticed! So here's to Christmas, because without it, I would truly have nothing at all. None of us would.

May you have a merry and blessed Christmas!

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 24. The Reason for the Season!

Let's reflect a bit. I've been encouraging you to do so. To reflect on your life, and be thankful for what you have. I went looking for reflections on thankfulness, specifically at Christmas. They were a bit difficult to find, so I'm making do with one meant for Thanksgiving. I'll give you the link here, but I wanted to say why it struck me first.

Firstly is the section on Jesus. Obviously, He's the reason for the season. I'm sure you've heard that saying. A bit hokey, but to the point. Without the birth of Jesus, you would have no grace, no forgiveness. You would have the chance of a snowball in Hell and a life filled with quiet desperation and little hope. So you can be grateful for his birth. The reflection talks about the story of the 10 lepers. All of them were faithful and obedient. I'm not perfect, but I like to think of myself as MOSTLY faithful and obedient  and working on doing better in that area. I think many of us can work on this. :) But only ONE was thankful. Only ONE came back to throw himself at Jesus's feet and be properly grateful. You should be that one. I know many have thought of the other 9 as being uncouth and ungrateful. Make sure you are not considered among their number!

Here's why: If you are not grateful, your life is being robbed of joy. Without thankfulness, you let discontent enter your life, and with it a host of other problems. They make you focus on what you don't have. They blind you to goodness and beauty. There is so much in this world to be grateful for. Thankfulness lets joy into your life! It allows you to see past your own existence and peer into the lives of others. Without thanks, you have anger and resentment. Don't let those cheat you of joy! Be thankful, and allow gratitude to enrich your life with joy.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 23. Center yourself!

Hopefully you have been able to use some of the tips and tricks I've talked about to incorporate more thankfulness into your life during this Christmas season. You may have started but then realized as you go to bed that you have petered out, or you could have been more thankful during your day. Then you feel ashamed and guilty. At least that's how it goes for me. :) As we get closer and closer to Christmas I feel all that thankfulness slipping away. I am overwhelmed with stress and feeling physically sick. I feel guilty as I realize I don't WANT to put in the time required to keep up with family and friends and keep the peace and carry my son every minute of every day. He doesn't like to be put down.

But this is when you need thankfulness most. It's time to recenter yourself. Tomorrow and the day after will be crazy. You will be tired and harried and frazzled.( If you're not, could you please not tell me? I feel bad enough already.) So today, take that one minute I recommended. Give thanks for Christmas. Specifically for Christmas. Without it, we wouldn't have this wonderful season every year. Without it we wouldn't really have a concept of forgiveness, or grace, or love. Think about it. A parent gave their only child to save millions of other children. And they know many will never know or appreciate it.

Honestly, becoming a parent put me FARTHER from understanding the sacrifice involved. So instead of trying to wrap my brain around it, I give thanks. And you know what that brings? Peace, contentment, and joy. I don't need to understand, but I do need to give thanks. I feel protection settle over me when I do. Protection from stress, from fear, from extra guilt I don't need to carry. I'd like you to have that too! Take that one minute and give thanks. It will recenter your life on Christmas and focus your mind on the beauty of the holiday. Don't let anything try to weasel its way between you and joy.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 22. Look for Thankfulness!

In this season of giving, many are thankful. There are horrible things happening in the world and it's easy to be overwhelmed by them. The TV tells us what will bring in ratings, not what will nourish our souls. You'll have to look for it. But you can always find simple stories that will help your heart back into the holiday season. Stories like this one:

Military Family Thankful For Christmas Light Gift

I would encourage you to find a source of good news. I do know there is a Twitter feed with nothing but links to uplifting news. I'll link that for you as soon as I find it again. These stories almost always include someone being thankful, and generous givers. You and I can be thankful that there are people out there that provide that love and beauty for us to read about.

*Edit*
I found a source of good news! This is the site, and here and here are the Twitter feeds!

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 21. We're Still Here!

Hah! I have recently become more interested in Survivalism, but I was fairly confident we would still be here today. And I'm grateful for that. I know where to attribute my time on this earth. I know what I'm basically supposed to be doing with it, and I'm grateful for more chances to get it right.

There are so many people who agonize over their purpose in life. Guess what? If you'd like a really clear cut answer you're probably not going to get it. But you've probably said or done something in your life that felt quietly right. Start weeding out the things you know are wrong. The stuff that is bad for you. Don't immediately refill it. Take a good look at what's left. Be grateful for those things and the chance to concentrate on them and get them right!

That's what every day is! A chance to stop doing the wrong things, a chance to weed the things that are bad for you out of your life. Eventually you can refill it with good things. They usually come into your life softly. Like Christmas. We tend to think of Christmas as a big occasion, full of parties and lights and lots of noise and fury. But underneath, if you pay attention and make room for it, it is a small, good thing softly trying to make it's way into your heart. I'm grateful for each day because Christmas never stops trying to come into your heart and bring you joy.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 20. Time to Look Back!

Normally we take the end of the year to look back and reflect on all that has gone on in our lives over the past year. This is a perfect time to reflect on all you are thankful for. One thing you can do is to try and see where everything comes from. It can make you appreciate what you have in a whole new light.

Take your bed, for example. Sure, you got it from the store. Time to look back a little farther than that! That store had it delivered from a factory by a trucker who works very long hours to get goods where they need to go. The factory took raw materials, and a worker made it with their hands. The raw materials were harvested by lumberjacks (most furniture has a wooden base) and sheep herders (if the upholstery is cotton). Does that make you appreciate your bed a little more?

But ultimately, everything you have is a gift from God. Someone tried to argue with me on this. :) They said, no, my goods were made by men in factories. Without men they would have nothing, they said. Alright, a man (or woman) made the goods you use. Who made that person? Who gave them the inspiration and the abilities and the opportunities to create the things you have? Why, that would be God. So when you are thankful for something or someone in your life, in the end, you should be thankful to God.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 19. Direction!

Thankfulness implies a two person relationship. You cannot thank an inanimate object. You can be thankful for it, but you can't actually thank the object itself. Well, you could, but you would be assigning it a spirit, which makes it a person and takes this post off topic. Basically you need two souls; one to give thanks and one to receive it.

Obviously, when you thank another person, you can see how this works. But what about when you give thanks for objects in your life? What about when you are thankful for a sunset or the fact that you're alive? You are thankful to a higher power, whatever you believe to be in charge of your life. I'm telling you to look in the direction you are sending your thanks. If you aren't sure who is on the other end, maybe it's time you thought about it.

I've mentioned church and God before, it should be no surprise that I'm Christian. I debated whether to go ahead and talk about that on my blog. At least more than I already have. But all my hang ups aside, that's the reason I'm thankful.

25 days of thankfulness is counting down to Christmas. When I am thankful, I am really thanking God. Many articles I've looked at online tell you that incorporating gratitude in your life will enrich it. It will improve the quality of your life, and possibly even the quantity. They don't tell you WHY. I'm certain a sense of gratitude towards people in your life will help your relationships and give you a better mental outlook. But I know that being thankful to God will improve your relationship with Him and THAT is going to make your life something special. That's the direction we are heading in. There are 7 days left in this series and it culminates in the birth of Jesus. Just know that's where we are going from here. I'm not planning on being evangelistic. I'm pretty bad at that, actually. I'm just planning on telling you how I take everything I've told you about thankfulness in my life and wrapping it up with the whole reason I am thankful in the first place. Today I am thankful for the courage to write this and have the commitment to keep going till we are done. I almost took the easy way out and tried to fill the last of this with fluff.

[This post will be a little early. I am noticing that people seem to like it better when I post by 8am, and since there is no guarantee of that for me tomorrow, I'll just post a bit early. :) ]

25 Days of Thankfulness:Day 18. Read All About It!

When you need to know how to do some thing, how do you teach yourself? I used to go to the library and get a book. Now I jump on my computer or phone. But I read up on it either way. So I'm recommending that if you want more gratitude in your life, read up on ways to do that. There is plenty out there!

10 Grateful Steps to Happiness

10 Tips to Raise Your Energy by Being Thankful

20 Things to be Thankful For

How to be More Thankful

I haven't read up on all of these, but I know I am grateful for so much information at my fingertips and the intelligence to wade through it and find the pieces of value. :)

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 17. Competition!

image via vastateparksstaff on Flickr

Here is a somewhat novel competition. Grab your family, perhaps around the table at a meal. Or a willing friend or loved one. Take turns saying one thing you are thankful for. You cannot repeat what has already been said. Fun, yes? It may be entertaining at a family/holiday get together.

I'm hoping it helps you dig deeper for what you are thankful for. It should quickly go past what you normally hear and venture into the realm of the personal and thought provoking. I would say you can suggest things if people get stuck.

You can declare a time limit of, oh, say, 30 seconds. If someone gets truly stuck you can declare the game over. However, it shouldn't end on a negative note, and that person doesn't 'lose.' Instead, they get a hug from everyone so that they have that small thing to be thankful for and then you move on to other things. I think it could be fun for you and an easy way to be thankful in a social setting.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 16. Be Thankful to Be Prepared!

The motto of the Boy Scouts is Be Prepared. Obviously I was never a Boy Scout, but my mom and dad taught me the same thing. I have always tried to be prepared, but over the years I have found myself equating it with having more and more material things. I would like to suggest that thankfulness be part of your preparedness. 

When you are thankful for the people and activities and goods in your life, you show them with words and actions. This leaves less room for regrets. You probably can't eliminate regrets altogether, but when disaster strikes, you'll know you told the people you loved you appreciated them. You will have enjoyed your favorite activities fully, and used your goods well and not squandered them. 

It may not help in the immediate aftermath of a disaster. But later, when the initial flood of emotions and stress has worn off, the thankfulness you have hopefully made a habit will surface and let you re-appreciate what you have and remember anything you lost with only fondness and a little sadness, not regret. I can speak from experience, as I have learned this from not being prepared in this way. Today I am thankful I have learned from the error of my ways.

Quick update!

You may have noticed I'm only posting about thankfulness. I initially planned  to include a regular post on Mondays Wednesdays, and Fridays. However, I find I am not quite up to that much writing. You see, I only get to write while my son nurses. :) That means I type one handed on my laptop and it takes me a half an hour to finish a short post. So I'll save other posts for after Christmas. :) I'll just leave you with an adorable pic from our Christmas season!

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 15. Stay inside.

image via Mark Turnaukas on Flickr

Days like yesterday remind me to be thankful. I didn't find out until late in the evening, but today I feel like staying indoors and snuggling with my son and being fervently thankful we're ok. There will be all sorts of other prayers said all day, but it's alright to stay in and be thankful from the relative safety of your home.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 14. Jealousy or Thankfulness?

Today a wave of jealousy washed over me. I found out that someone else had good news. It seems like everyone else has had good news this season, but none of it has sparked this reaction from me. I'll admit, I mentally sulked for a few minutes. Then I wondered why I was feeling this way. This new method of examining my motivations is really getting some use! I have exactly what this person has. More, in fact. They are just getting it in an earlier season of their life. They are getting it when I wanted it, but I had to wait. Very petty of me. So then I wallowed for a few minutes in jealousy AND shame.

But then I thought, ok, I don't want to continue with this. Pull yourself out of it, girl! How to accomplish this feat? Thankfulness. I immediately gave thanks for what I have. I was tempted to try and reason with myself that I am better off because I waited. That sounds like sour grapes to me. It is not true thankfulness to simply say you are better than others. To reason that your situation is more advantageous in some way. You must put aside the thoughts of other's situations. Think only of your personal situation and give thanks for it.

The strategy worked for me. I keep thinking about that other person and smaller waves of jealousy will come over me. But I just remind myself to be thankful and they go away. They are getting smaller each time, so hopefully this will be a one day thing and it won't even be an issue tomorrow.So I can truly say I've tried what I'm recommending to you, and it works. :)

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 13. Actions Speak Louder!

image via zoonabar on Flickr

I said yesterday that you should show in action that you are thankful. I have said it before that as well. But knowing what actions to take can sometimes stump people. So I'd like to give you examples.

1. Say Thank You. Practice using one of the magic words. :) We were taught this as children, and if you weren't, then teach it to yourself now. Look up methods for creating habits and then make it a habit to say thank you. Any time some one does something for you, hands you and object, or smiles in your general direction can be an appropriate time to say thank you. Many people have the problem of apologizing too much, but I've never heard of someone saying thank you too much.
2. Write a note. The art of writing thank you notes has gone out of style and that's ridiculous. I'm not the greatest at remembering to do it, but there is a tried and true formula that ALWAYS works. Here, I'll even link one for you. It's the formula I use, and it has never failed me.The darn things write themselves in 3 minutes or less, sometimes including addressing the envelope. Seriously, it's easy! People are flabbergasted to actually receive these in the mail. It will put you in their memory as a gracious and thankful person, and you will feel good knowing you have let people know that you were thankful for whatever they gave you.
3. Keep track of blessings. Have someplace that you keep track of things you are thankful for. I know sometimes, no matter how blessed I am, I forget to give thanks. I take things for granted. So write it down somewhere. Keep a journal of just things that have blessed you. Or keep a dry erase board up that you can scribble a daily bit of thankfulness on. Whatever works for you.
4. Don't underestimate the power of touch. A hug or a handshake can reinforce the message you are trying to get across. Sometimes people have a hard time beliving words, but shake their hand or give them a hug at the same time, or look them in the eye, and they'll have an action to back up those words.

These are just a few things you can do to show that you are thankful. Honestly with these daily posts I'm just trying to show what I do in my life and remind myself to be thankful. Google is there is you need more specifics. :)

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 12. Share the Love!

One of the biggest things you can do to improve the effect of gratitude in your life is to share it. Show others what you are thankful for! Demonstrating your gratitude will cue your heart to pay attention to this new and wonderful attitude in your life.

If it is a person you are thankful for, tell them. Your relationship will probably take an immediate upward turn. They will smile. Or stare at you in shock. Either is fine. They may not believe you. In that case you have some work to do. Again, your actions are what will convince a heart, but in this case it's not yours. Perhaps another post later on acting thankful? You can easily start by just saying the words. 

Perhaps you are thankful for an object. There are still ways you can show you are thankful. Today I am thankful for my car. Weird but true. I live in SoCal, which means I must drive EVERYWHERE! That's not possible without a trusty car. So today I took it for an oil change. The car is an inanimate object. It doesn't have feelings and doesn't care what I do. But my gratitude means that I take care of it. I make sure I runs well so I can continue to use and enjoy it. And so I would encourage you to pick something or someone and show them you are thankful.

Salsa Chicken

I was going to post this Monday, after I talked about compliments. We had a Christmas party this weekend, and I brought this dish. I didn't come up with the recepie, I found it on Pinterest (original pin source here). However, it got so many compliments I thought I would share it with you. Trust me, it's super easy. It exemplifies my cooking style these days. :) They never say what size crock pot, but I make it in a 3 liter one. I know the one they have pictured is bigger, because it pretty much fills mine.

- Bag of frozen Chicken Breast Tenderloins (2.5-3lb bag)
- 8 oz block of cream cheese (don't use Fat Free! 1/3 less fat or regular is fine)
- Can of Black Beans, drained & rinsed. (or Pinto Beans if you prefer)
- Can of Corn, drained.
- Can of Rotel

Directions:
Put frozen chicken in the crock pot.
Put Cream cheese on top of the chicken.
Dump in the Black Beans (make sure they are drained & rinsed!!!)
Dump in the drained corn.
Dump in the Rotel,
Cover & cook in your Crock Pot on low for 6-8 hours.

I just use salsa instead of Rotel, and Pinto beans instead of black beans. Then we eat as is, over rice, or in a tortilla. Enjoy!

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 11. Keep It Up!

I knew it would happen. :) I'm one day behind, and I didn't manage my regular post on Monday. But you know what? That's ok. I've been talking about keeping thankfulness a regular fixture in your life. I've have been thankful yesterday and today, but I just couldn't post. So today I'd like to tell you: if you forget to be thankful, and then you realize it, don't let guilt take over!

Keep being a thankful person. Start over. Obviously you've remembered now, so start with that! Keep it up! Just because we make something a habit doesn't mean that we don't forget sometimes. I'd like to say grace before every meal, but I haven't made it a habit yet. I often forget. That doesn't prevent me from saying grace when I remember. Keep going and you'll be able to keep enriching your life!

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 10. Give Nothing but Thanks!

If you're a girl, you may have been taught the compliment method of giving thanks. Imagine you've been given a compliment. You hurriedly say 'Thanks!' And then tack on, 'I love your (insert something hurried but acceptable here, usually the same thing the person complimented you on.)' You feel as if, when complimented, you must compliment back.

Why is giving thanks not enough? Somehow we have gotten to a place where accepting what is given to us and being grateful for it is a bad thing. There are some people out there who know how to accept gifts or compliments graciously and I would encourage you to study and learn from them. I don't have the technique perfected yet, but I'm certainly working on it.

You have to know that saying 'thank you' is not just enough, it completely fulfills the social requirement. A compliment or gift is to be given because you want another to receive it. It is an outpouring of generosity on your part. Giving is a whole other subject I could do a series on so I won't go into it much more. But let me say what we should all know. True giving means nothing is needed in return. Saying 'Thank you' is more than enough. If you feel you need to say more, tell them why it made you feel good. For example: say someone compliments your cooking. You can say, 'Thanks so much! It's a recipe I was hoping people would like!' Knowing exactly how I've improved another person's day is way better than a returned compliment.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 9. 525600 Minutes

Ok, that's a lot of minutes. :) But a minute is not too long to give thanks. So that's the idea for today - set aside a specific amount of time every day to give thanks. Make it a minute if you are intimidated by a longer stretch of time. I find it helpful to set an alarm when I want to start a habit. Right now I am starting a habit of checking in with people I find it hard to keep up with. I want them to be part of my life, so I have an alarm every Saturday morning at 10am. It simply says: Check in with people. I know it is hard for me, so every week I have a reminder to do something I want to do, but is hard for me to follow up on. This way I am intentional.

That's a buzzword going around on the internet. At first I thought it hokey. How does one live intentionally? What does that even mean?! I suspected some are using it in a really vague way. But I am suggesting that you be intentional about giving thanks. Set an alarm. Set aside time. If you don't need an alarm, that's fine. Do it at the same time every day. Right when you get up. Before you go to bed. As you drive to work, or during your lunch. Doesn't matter when, and hopefully you are starting to realize it doesn't matter what you are grateful for.

Making thankfulness a habit will enrich your life! There are definitely seasons in which we tend to be more grateful like Thanksgiving (duh!) or leading up to Christmas, like I'm doing this year. But you want it to enrich your life all the time! I know I certainly need enrichment at all time. It takes about two weeks to establish a habit  so get started. Set your alarm and give thanks for one minute.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 8. Peace, Comfort, and Protection.

I know that my thankfulness posts seem to have been a bit negative so far. A few have been about awe and wonder, but some have been about being thankful in spite of negative happenings in our lives. This one is going to sound a little like that as well. I promise I will focus on more positive things soon, I just have to push past this section. Know everyone knows what it feels like to have a lot of darkness in your life at one point or another. Those are the times when thankfulness can bring you hope.

Sometimes we don't want hope. That sounds crazy right? Who doesn't want hope? With hope can come the potential for disappointment. If you hope you will get a certain something on Christmas, or that flowers will magically arrive for you on your birthday, there is also the potential for that not to happen. And you are relying on others to fulfill that hope for you. They could forget. They could be angry with you. They could decide you need something else more.

And so it is with God. Sometimes you pray, but you don't feel satisfied. You are pouring out your soul, but that ache or dread doesn't go away. I would like to throw an idea to you: you know what you want, but you are afraid God knows better. That His plan does not include what you want. And that is not comforting! But I was looking for some peace and comfort last night, and though it was hard for me, I've got a little to share with you. And I am thankful I have been given it to share.

I had some deep fears. But God is always with us. And his plan may not be what we desire. But no matter what, he is on our side. We will be protected. Protection may not mean that we are safe from bodily harm. But it does mean that if we rely on Him, we cannot be separated from Him. Trusting that means we can trust his plan. That brings peace and comfort along with the protection. It can be hard to trust God if you feel you have been let down before. That's where being a thinking Christian can help. You can decide to trust God even if your heart is afraid. After you make the decision, your heart will come around. I don't always recommend this tactic, but it works in this case.

It also works in other, smaller cases of thankfulness. You know you should be thankful for something, but you just don't want to be. Your heart has dug in its proverbial heels and doesn't want to budge. Go ahead and make the decision to be thankful. Let your actions be guided by this decision. Eventually your actions can persuade your heart, and you will truly be thankful.

The Essence of the Battle

image via Joe Shlabotnik on Flickr

A little insight into the heart/gut/mind battle. There is a popular TV show called Bones. I am rather entertained by the show, and the main character is all about logic. However, she has a baby girl, and after being told it's ok for her to be away from her baby, she says something along the lines of "I know it isn't logical, but I just can't do it." My other sister in law told me about the line, and it's actually what got me to watch the show. 7 seasons just to get to a line. :)

But I often feel the same way. It is usually my gut doing the talking. I used to be a childcare giver. Babysitter? Nanny? However you'd like to put it, I used to do it for a living. I did a very good job. I was certified in emergency care, and the kids liked me. I didn't often have problems. I've taken care of many babies. I've changed a lot of diapers prior to becoming a mom. It's not super difficult. You know the part where you grab their leg or ankles and lift to get underneath? Yeah, I've done that move hundreds of times. That's how you change a diaper. But after my son was born? Suddenly I doubted myself. My heart screamed, "You're too rough!" My mind nagged "You could pull his hip out of its socket." And my gut told them both to shut up. (Thankfully!)

This is what is happening to me all the time! I have this war inside, probably prompted by the fact that I used to be a competent caregiver and suddenly it's a different story because the child is my own. Is that what makes the difference? I've been examining my thoughts and feelings trying to get to the bottom of this and become the confident mama I want to be. Does anyone else have this problem? Where logic says one thing but your heart or gut says another? How do you resolve it?

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 7. A Time for Thanks!

photo via kojotomoto on Flickr

Today I am thankful for time. You are probably thankful for this too, and it's time (Hah!) to expand upon it. Luckily, my son is napping right now. That means I get to type furiously and hope I get done before he wakes. And I am thankful for that. For that tiny sliver of time to myself. I am thankful for the time I get to spend every day. Just that, I get to spend time every day. So do you! We may have many demands on our time, but at least we still have it! There are so many lives cut short. Sometimes our lives get turned on their heads, but as long as you're alive you have something to be thankful for. Think about the time you have had to spend on this earth. You may regret some of it. Move past that to see that even if you think you wasted some of that time, every second was a gift to you that you can appreciate.

I know some of these posts are short, as I am fitting them in throughout the day. Eventually I'd like to get ahead of myself, and have posts scheduled to drop in advance, but for now I am just grateful I get to write at all.

25 Day of Thankfulness: Day 6. It's The Little Things!

image via dospaz on Flickr

Today I am thankful for little things, literally. Being thankful for objects you own is just fine, as either someone gave it to you, or you were able to but it, and both show the grace of God. When I woke up, my son's Gentle Giraffe was staring at me. (I love this thing!) I had to smile. It was a gift that brought with it so many blessings.

A friend recommended to us that we get a Sleep Sheep. They showed us the one they had for their son. It was a blessing to discuss children with them for so many reasons. They had had miscarriages and so had we. They had a son, and now we were too. They were loaning us a ton of baby gear to ease our financial burden, and it's always nice to know you have friends to back you up. So we registered of a similar product, and another friend bought it for us. So now another friend is involved in our blessing. And our son loves it. :) We use it every day.

I am thankful for many things when I see this little stuffed giraffe. Friends, advice, the birth of our son. Usually things that truly bless us get used a great deal. So when you are using or looking at some small object, take a moment to be thankful for all the blessings it implies.

Perfection? Nah.....

This post about the Real Homemakers Challenge is what got me started in blogging again. I love to read blogs! But my real motivation (after thinking critically as I described the other day) was trying to find others who were experiencing the same things I was. However, I mostly fell into the trap of comparing myself to how I imagined these bloggers to be, and falling short in my own mind.

In one of the blogs I was reading, a woman had given birth to her firstborn, and within ten days was a pro with her expensive sling (which her baby loved), looked fantastic, and was going out for walks with her husband and baby and taking great pictures to prove it. I felt like half a person. I had wanted to read about other women slowly pulling their new life together, but now I felt like I was half a mom. Or half a wife. Or worse, just half a person, which would make me a quarter the wife and mom I needed to be.

Luckily, I told my fears to my sister in law. We've been friends for a long time, and she has been really involved with our family during this time. I groaned, "Why couldn't I even get out of the house for the first month?" She laughed and reminded me that the delivery wasn't exactly textbook and perfect, and I had an allergic reaction to the pain meds which lasted about a month. Oh, yeah. In comparing myself to others, I had forgotten what my life was actually like. Luckily, I stumbled upon the Real Homemakers Challenge entry about Comparison. I still occasionally feel a twinge of jealousy for others and disgust for myself, but I know that if I share what my life is like, then perhaps others will realize that not everyone is perfect. Or pretends to be. :)

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 5. Turn that Frown Upside Down!

Yesterday I wrote about being thankful for negative things. What I truly meant was the absence of something bad. But what if bad things happen to you? All of us have had something truly unpleasant happen in our lives, even if nothing horrible or catastrophic has occurred. I wrote about being grateful you are not sick. What if you are? I'm about to go a little Pollyanna on you. :)

Now, you don't have to be glad that you're sick, like Pollyanna. But there is usually a little bit of the situation that presents a chance to be grateful. Now rather than be hypothetical and have people be angry that I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll present a small slice of my life. I wrote that I have my health, which is mostly true. Compared to many, many people, I am completely healthy. However, almost every other night, I wake up with back pain and cannot sleep. Not much seems to help, and I have no idea what causes it, which is frustrating. I'm already pretty tired with a four month old; this is NOT helping. So that all sucks.

However! there are two distinct bright spots. When I wake up with this pain, if my husband is home, he is very helpful. He keeps me company, he brings me heating pads and pain meds and tea. He bought me a back massager and installed it on my rocking chair so that if I hurt and the baby wakes up, I can feed him and continue to try getting the pain under control. I can't really be properly grateful at the time, but later I make sure to thank him. And every morning I wake up without having been woken by pain the night before, I can appreciate my son's smiles and smile back at him. This morning that's what I was thankful for.

I'm not saying you have to be grateful for an affliction. But it is truly an ill wind that blows no good. Usually there's a little something you can be thankful for.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 4. Get Negative!

Have you ever said something like 'Thank goodness that wasn't me!'? I certainly have. :) And generally speaking, that's ok. It a way of appreciating your life, and the things or circumstances in it. Be grateful for the things you don't have. If you're not sick be thankful for that. If you don't have to travel in this season, that's something to be thankful for.

Sometimes it's hard to know what you don't have. This one happens all on its own. You'll find yourself experiencing these fleeting thankful moments. Go ahead and recognize them for yourself. It's ok to be negatively thankful.

The Motivation Game

I'm not talking about getting yourself motivated to do something. I'm talking about the real reasons behind your thoughts, feelings and actions. I have been thinking about the battle between my heart, gut, and mind since my son was born. It became obvious right away that beliefs I had held were no longer true in the same way they had been. I also found myself acting in strange ways and I thought I was becoming a person I didn't recognize. But lately I have been trying to break down the real reasons behind what I do, and I find it is easier to find solutions this way.

For example, my biggest breakthrough was when we fan-dangled a bigger bed. I didn't realize how much resentment had been building in me towards my husband. He works nights and it's a relief when he gets home. My son and I instantly sleep easier. But when he decides to come to bed? I would wake up just enough to worry. Was he going to wake the baby? Why couldn't he learn to shut the door without slamming it or get into bed without waking me to ask where the baby was? (I bring our son into bed to nurse him.) I thought he was just insensitive and was getting annoyed.

But after getting a MUCH bigger bed, I don't have those problems any longer. He still shuts the door the same way. He still asks me where the baby is. But I am sleeping better. If he does wake the baby it's not that big a deal to get him back to sleep. I was truly resentful that MY rest was being interrupted. I'm not proud to admit what sleep deprivation was doing to me, but now that we fixed the problem, I can actually see what the problem was. So now I face more problems in that light. What are my true motivations? More sleep? More entertainment? Am I doing this for myself or for someone else? Acting on your own behalf is not selfish if it's something you absolutely need. But if you don't recognize why you are doing something, then you have no idea if the behavior is right or whether it needs to be fixed. So take a look at a reoccurring thought or behavior and truly think about what causes it within you. Then you can decided if you want to keep it or not. :)

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 3. Be Repetitive!

I am often thankful for my health. I have thought  about it in the past, I am happy about it now, and I'm sure the subject will come up again. That is how I truly got my start in being thankful. Remember me talking about being thankful for the mountains or the ocean? I would be camping or hiking or swimming and the surroundings would make me pause. Than I would feel gratefulness was over me. But I would remember the exact same thing happening the last time!

At first I had some weird and negative thoughts, but I have learned it's perfectly ok! For example, every year at Thanksgiving I hear people say they are grateful for friends and family. You wouldn't dream of saying, 'Oh I can't be thankful for that again, I was thankful for that last year." That would be ridiculous! Go ahead and be thankful for the same thing over and over! If you are thankful your parking spot is right outside the door, and you remember it every day, good job! That's not silly at all! Keep it up and soon it will be a habit.

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 1. Go Big!

It seems nostalgia and thankfulness get me into the Holiday mood. And I like to remind myself to be thankful as often as possible. Sorry, I don't know how exactly to tell you how to incorporate that into your life, but I will tell you generally how I have developed it in mine so that hopefully you will get some ideas.

Usually it begins with a moment. So many people have lost the ability to take a breath and Contemplate the moment they are in. It is easiest to start doing when you are in a moment of awe, I have found. So I guess that would be tip #1. Start Big. :) When you see something that puts you in awe, you automatically stop to contemplate and appreciate. The mountains in Yosemite, the ocean, a new baby, the person you love sleeping beside you, all of those things can automatically make you take pause. That's the moment it is easiest for me to remember to be thankful. So I talk to God. It goes something like this:

Dear God, thank you for X.

Or

Dear God, thank you for letting me be alive to see X.

See? The actual thankfulness is the easy part. Remembering is hard, but find those moments and work it in. Eventually you find smaller and smaller things to be thankful for. Today I was thankful I found a CD with classic Christmas songs on it. :)

25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 2. Build On It!

I am hoping to be quite prolific this month, at least till Christmas. I started the 25 days of Thankfulness yesterday (the 1st), though I couldn't post until this morning. That means 2 posts today! That may happen with these if I get behind. Today I am thankful for technology!

In this morning's sermon at Mass, our deacon talked about time and all of our time saving gadgets. Today we are all about time saving, time management, and time efficiency. However he says we haven't learned how to spend time or increase its quality. I have has my own issues with time, which I'm sure will be another post. But I do know that technology has contributed good things to my time. So I am thankful for that.

Thinking about it has also prompted me to think of all the other things that are associated with technology to be thankful for. So that's Tip #2. When you think of something to be thankful for, build on it. For example, with technology you could be thankful for the money to purchase it, the physical ability to use it, or the time to enjoy it. It's up to you, but it's a good exercise. Next time you're thankful for something, think of one thing associated with it to build upon your thankfulness.

Heart/Gut/Mind

How many times have you felt at war with yourself? How often have you had to change your opinion or the way you do things but couldn't truly explain why? I just had my first child, a beautiful boy, close to four months ago, and I find myself split between my feelings, my instinct, and my logic. I thought I was ready for this new season in my life, but I am at war with myself more and more often. I don't promise answers, but I'll share how the war is going. And if I happen to be at peace, why, I'll share that as well for a bit of comfort. 

My heart is full of feelings. It loves, it grieves, it reminds me to give thanks. Unfortunately, unless I keep a firm hand on it, those feelings often turn to guilt, envy, and depression. I don't know why, but I'm working on it. I find talking helps. This is me talking so that my husband won't be overwhelmed. :)

My gut isn't often wrong. However, it doesn't always help me out, preferring to sit back and watch the heart and mind duke it out. Sometimes it only produces vague warnings. I wish it would speak up a little more often. And more clearly.

And my mind is full of fluff and nonsense. Rather smart nonsense, but still irritating to wade through when I consider my every day life. I tend to daydream and to get bored. I like to know things, but often get ahead of myself or plan so far into the future I get discouraged. My son is teaching my to focus on right now, and not look so far ahead.

My son is teaching me many things. To crave joy and be thankful. To improve myself and want to be better. To fight to live a beautiful life, with, or in spite of, my heart, gut, and mind. 

Welcome to the battle. :)