Happy New Year!

Most people make resolutions as a New Year's tradition. There have been years where I tried to act the snob and not make resolutions, but strangely, I felt bad about it. Setting goals for ourselves is a good thing, and not something to be avoided. Of course, you can set new goals for yourself in many ways. It doesn't have to be at the beginning of the year or even the beginning of the week! But beginnings are often when people are the most optimistic, so it can be a good time to do so.

One way of keeping yourself on track with these goals is to tell them to someone else. This keeps you accountable! So I'm going to write them out on the blog for the world to see. Hopefully that keeps me going. In the past, even when I really want something, I don't do well with self motivation. I've thought a lot about it, and decided to just keep going with external motivation for the time being. I've broken down my goals into section. I love making list! And this was fun to make, even if I did have to reign myself in a bit. I tend to list WAY more than is actually needed. So without further ado, my New Year's Resolutions:

Blog

1. Decide on a specific direction.
2. Post 3x a week.
3. Join a blog ring.
4. Participate in a link up.
5. Change the design to something a little more personal.
6. Do another series, but shorter this time!
7. Hopefully increase readership!

Financial

1. Stop paying for my storage unit.
2. Set a budget.
3. Figure out how to bring in money from home.
4. Save for a down payment.
5. Pay off debts.

Personal

1. Clean out my storage unit. :)
2. Finish my book.
3. Have memory quilts made or make them myself.
4. Get to my ideal weight by August (my son's 1st birthday).
5. Start attending archery practice again.
6. Start crafting again.
7. Join a class of some sort with my son.

I'm sure there is more I should be doing, but right now this seems like enough. So there you have it. That is hopefully my year in a nutshell.

Salsa Chicken

I was going to post this Monday, after I talked about compliments. We had a Christmas party this weekend, and I brought this dish. I didn't come up with the recepie, I found it on Pinterest (original pin source here). However, it got so many compliments I thought I would share it with you. Trust me, it's super easy. It exemplifies my cooking style these days. :) They never say what size crock pot, but I make it in a 3 liter one. I know the one they have pictured is bigger, because it pretty much fills mine.

- Bag of frozen Chicken Breast Tenderloins (2.5-3lb bag)
- 8 oz block of cream cheese (don't use Fat Free! 1/3 less fat or regular is fine)
- Can of Black Beans, drained & rinsed. (or Pinto Beans if you prefer)
- Can of Corn, drained.
- Can of Rotel

Directions:
Put frozen chicken in the crock pot.
Put Cream cheese on top of the chicken.
Dump in the Black Beans (make sure they are drained & rinsed!!!)
Dump in the drained corn.
Dump in the Rotel,
Cover & cook in your Crock Pot on low for 6-8 hours.

I just use salsa instead of Rotel, and Pinto beans instead of black beans. Then we eat as is, over rice, or in a tortilla. Enjoy!

The Essence of the Battle

image via Joe Shlabotnik on Flickr

A little insight into the heart/gut/mind battle. There is a popular TV show called Bones. I am rather entertained by the show, and the main character is all about logic. However, she has a baby girl, and after being told it's ok for her to be away from her baby, she says something along the lines of "I know it isn't logical, but I just can't do it." My other sister in law told me about the line, and it's actually what got me to watch the show. 7 seasons just to get to a line. :)

But I often feel the same way. It is usually my gut doing the talking. I used to be a childcare giver. Babysitter? Nanny? However you'd like to put it, I used to do it for a living. I did a very good job. I was certified in emergency care, and the kids liked me. I didn't often have problems. I've taken care of many babies. I've changed a lot of diapers prior to becoming a mom. It's not super difficult. You know the part where you grab their leg or ankles and lift to get underneath? Yeah, I've done that move hundreds of times. That's how you change a diaper. But after my son was born? Suddenly I doubted myself. My heart screamed, "You're too rough!" My mind nagged "You could pull his hip out of its socket." And my gut told them both to shut up. (Thankfully!)

This is what is happening to me all the time! I have this war inside, probably prompted by the fact that I used to be a competent caregiver and suddenly it's a different story because the child is my own. Is that what makes the difference? I've been examining my thoughts and feelings trying to get to the bottom of this and become the confident mama I want to be. Does anyone else have this problem? Where logic says one thing but your heart or gut says another? How do you resolve it?

Perfection? Nah.....

This post about the Real Homemakers Challenge is what got me started in blogging again. I love to read blogs! But my real motivation (after thinking critically as I described the other day) was trying to find others who were experiencing the same things I was. However, I mostly fell into the trap of comparing myself to how I imagined these bloggers to be, and falling short in my own mind.

In one of the blogs I was reading, a woman had given birth to her firstborn, and within ten days was a pro with her expensive sling (which her baby loved), looked fantastic, and was going out for walks with her husband and baby and taking great pictures to prove it. I felt like half a person. I had wanted to read about other women slowly pulling their new life together, but now I felt like I was half a mom. Or half a wife. Or worse, just half a person, which would make me a quarter the wife and mom I needed to be.

Luckily, I told my fears to my sister in law. We've been friends for a long time, and she has been really involved with our family during this time. I groaned, "Why couldn't I even get out of the house for the first month?" She laughed and reminded me that the delivery wasn't exactly textbook and perfect, and I had an allergic reaction to the pain meds which lasted about a month. Oh, yeah. In comparing myself to others, I had forgotten what my life was actually like. Luckily, I stumbled upon the Real Homemakers Challenge entry about Comparison. I still occasionally feel a twinge of jealousy for others and disgust for myself, but I know that if I share what my life is like, then perhaps others will realize that not everyone is perfect. Or pretends to be. :)

The Motivation Game

I'm not talking about getting yourself motivated to do something. I'm talking about the real reasons behind your thoughts, feelings and actions. I have been thinking about the battle between my heart, gut, and mind since my son was born. It became obvious right away that beliefs I had held were no longer true in the same way they had been. I also found myself acting in strange ways and I thought I was becoming a person I didn't recognize. But lately I have been trying to break down the real reasons behind what I do, and I find it is easier to find solutions this way.

For example, my biggest breakthrough was when we fan-dangled a bigger bed. I didn't realize how much resentment had been building in me towards my husband. He works nights and it's a relief when he gets home. My son and I instantly sleep easier. But when he decides to come to bed? I would wake up just enough to worry. Was he going to wake the baby? Why couldn't he learn to shut the door without slamming it or get into bed without waking me to ask where the baby was? (I bring our son into bed to nurse him.) I thought he was just insensitive and was getting annoyed.

But after getting a MUCH bigger bed, I don't have those problems any longer. He still shuts the door the same way. He still asks me where the baby is. But I am sleeping better. If he does wake the baby it's not that big a deal to get him back to sleep. I was truly resentful that MY rest was being interrupted. I'm not proud to admit what sleep deprivation was doing to me, but now that we fixed the problem, I can actually see what the problem was. So now I face more problems in that light. What are my true motivations? More sleep? More entertainment? Am I doing this for myself or for someone else? Acting on your own behalf is not selfish if it's something you absolutely need. But if you don't recognize why you are doing something, then you have no idea if the behavior is right or whether it needs to be fixed. So take a look at a reoccurring thought or behavior and truly think about what causes it within you. Then you can decided if you want to keep it or not. :)

Heart/Gut/Mind

How many times have you felt at war with yourself? How often have you had to change your opinion or the way you do things but couldn't truly explain why? I just had my first child, a beautiful boy, close to four months ago, and I find myself split between my feelings, my instinct, and my logic. I thought I was ready for this new season in my life, but I am at war with myself more and more often. I don't promise answers, but I'll share how the war is going. And if I happen to be at peace, why, I'll share that as well for a bit of comfort. 

My heart is full of feelings. It loves, it grieves, it reminds me to give thanks. Unfortunately, unless I keep a firm hand on it, those feelings often turn to guilt, envy, and depression. I don't know why, but I'm working on it. I find talking helps. This is me talking so that my husband won't be overwhelmed. :)

My gut isn't often wrong. However, it doesn't always help me out, preferring to sit back and watch the heart and mind duke it out. Sometimes it only produces vague warnings. I wish it would speak up a little more often. And more clearly.

And my mind is full of fluff and nonsense. Rather smart nonsense, but still irritating to wade through when I consider my every day life. I tend to daydream and to get bored. I like to know things, but often get ahead of myself or plan so far into the future I get discouraged. My son is teaching my to focus on right now, and not look so far ahead.

My son is teaching me many things. To crave joy and be thankful. To improve myself and want to be better. To fight to live a beautiful life, with, or in spite of, my heart, gut, and mind. 

Welcome to the battle. :)