This post about the Real Homemakers Challenge is what got me started in blogging again. I love to read blogs! But my real motivation (after thinking critically as I described the other day) was trying to find others who were experiencing the same things I was. However, I mostly fell into the trap of comparing myself to how I imagined these bloggers to be, and falling short in my own mind.
In one of the blogs I was reading, a woman had given birth to her firstborn, and within ten days was a pro with her expensive sling (which her baby loved), looked fantastic, and was going out for walks with her husband and baby and taking great pictures to prove it. I felt like half a person. I had wanted to read about other women slowly pulling their new life together, but now I felt like I was half a mom. Or half a wife. Or worse, just half a person, which would make me a quarter the wife and mom I needed to be.
Luckily, I told my fears to my sister in law. We've been friends for a long time, and she has been really involved with our family during this time. I groaned, "Why couldn't I even get out of the house for the first month?" She laughed and reminded me that the delivery wasn't exactly textbook and perfect, and I had an allergic reaction to the pain meds which lasted about a month. Oh, yeah. In comparing myself to others, I had forgotten what my life was actually like. Luckily, I stumbled upon the Real Homemakers Challenge entry about Comparison. I still occasionally feel a twinge of jealousy for others and disgust for myself, but I know that if I share what my life is like, then perhaps others will realize that not everyone is perfect. Or pretends to be. :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 5. Turn that Frown Upside Down!
Yesterday I wrote about being thankful for negative things. What I truly meant was the absence of something bad. But what if bad things happen to you? All of us have had something truly unpleasant happen in our lives, even if nothing horrible or catastrophic has occurred. I wrote about being grateful you are not sick. What if you are? I'm about to go a little Pollyanna on you. :)
Now, you don't have to be glad that you're sick, like Pollyanna. But there is usually a little bit of the situation that presents a chance to be grateful. Now rather than be hypothetical and have people be angry that I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll present a small slice of my life. I wrote that I have my health, which is mostly true. Compared to many, many people, I am completely healthy. However, almost every other night, I wake up with back pain and cannot sleep. Not much seems to help, and I have no idea what causes it, which is frustrating. I'm already pretty tired with a four month old; this is NOT helping. So that all sucks.
However! there are two distinct bright spots. When I wake up with this pain, if my husband is home, he is very helpful. He keeps me company, he brings me heating pads and pain meds and tea. He bought me a back massager and installed it on my rocking chair so that if I hurt and the baby wakes up, I can feed him and continue to try getting the pain under control. I can't really be properly grateful at the time, but later I make sure to thank him. And every morning I wake up without having been woken by pain the night before, I can appreciate my son's smiles and smile back at him. This morning that's what I was thankful for.
I'm not saying you have to be grateful for an affliction. But it is truly an ill wind that blows no good. Usually there's a little something you can be thankful for.
Now, you don't have to be glad that you're sick, like Pollyanna. But there is usually a little bit of the situation that presents a chance to be grateful. Now rather than be hypothetical and have people be angry that I have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll present a small slice of my life. I wrote that I have my health, which is mostly true. Compared to many, many people, I am completely healthy. However, almost every other night, I wake up with back pain and cannot sleep. Not much seems to help, and I have no idea what causes it, which is frustrating. I'm already pretty tired with a four month old; this is NOT helping. So that all sucks.
However! there are two distinct bright spots. When I wake up with this pain, if my husband is home, he is very helpful. He keeps me company, he brings me heating pads and pain meds and tea. He bought me a back massager and installed it on my rocking chair so that if I hurt and the baby wakes up, I can feed him and continue to try getting the pain under control. I can't really be properly grateful at the time, but later I make sure to thank him. And every morning I wake up without having been woken by pain the night before, I can appreciate my son's smiles and smile back at him. This morning that's what I was thankful for.
I'm not saying you have to be grateful for an affliction. But it is truly an ill wind that blows no good. Usually there's a little something you can be thankful for.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 4. Get Negative!
Have you ever said something like 'Thank goodness that wasn't me!'? I certainly have. :) And generally speaking, that's ok. It a way of appreciating your life, and the things or circumstances in it. Be grateful for the things you don't have. If you're not sick be thankful for that. If you don't have to travel in this season, that's something to be thankful for.
Sometimes it's hard to know what you don't have. This one happens all on its own. You'll find yourself experiencing these fleeting thankful moments. Go ahead and recognize them for yourself. It's ok to be negatively thankful.
Sometimes it's hard to know what you don't have. This one happens all on its own. You'll find yourself experiencing these fleeting thankful moments. Go ahead and recognize them for yourself. It's ok to be negatively thankful.
Monday, December 3, 2012
The Motivation Game
I'm not talking about getting yourself motivated to do something. I'm talking about the real reasons behind your thoughts, feelings and actions. I have been thinking about the battle between my heart, gut, and mind since my son was born. It became obvious right away that beliefs I had held were no longer true in the same way they had been. I also found myself acting in strange ways and I thought I was becoming a person I didn't recognize. But lately I have been trying to break down the real reasons behind what I do, and I find it is easier to find solutions this way.
For example, my biggest breakthrough was when we fan-dangled a bigger bed. I didn't realize how much resentment had been building in me towards my husband. He works nights and it's a relief when he gets home. My son and I instantly sleep easier. But when he decides to come to bed? I would wake up just enough to worry. Was he going to wake the baby? Why couldn't he learn to shut the door without slamming it or get into bed without waking me to ask where the baby was? (I bring our son into bed to nurse him.) I thought he was just insensitive and was getting annoyed.
But after getting a MUCH bigger bed, I don't have those problems any longer. He still shuts the door the same way. He still asks me where the baby is. But I am sleeping better. If he does wake the baby it's not that big a deal to get him back to sleep. I was truly resentful that MY rest was being interrupted. I'm not proud to admit what sleep deprivation was doing to me, but now that we fixed the problem, I can actually see what the problem was. So now I face more problems in that light. What are my true motivations? More sleep? More entertainment? Am I doing this for myself or for someone else? Acting on your own behalf is not selfish if it's something you absolutely need. But if you don't recognize why you are doing something, then you have no idea if the behavior is right or whether it needs to be fixed. So take a look at a reoccurring thought or behavior and truly think about what causes it within you. Then you can decided if you want to keep it or not. :)
For example, my biggest breakthrough was when we fan-dangled a bigger bed. I didn't realize how much resentment had been building in me towards my husband. He works nights and it's a relief when he gets home. My son and I instantly sleep easier. But when he decides to come to bed? I would wake up just enough to worry. Was he going to wake the baby? Why couldn't he learn to shut the door without slamming it or get into bed without waking me to ask where the baby was? (I bring our son into bed to nurse him.) I thought he was just insensitive and was getting annoyed.
But after getting a MUCH bigger bed, I don't have those problems any longer. He still shuts the door the same way. He still asks me where the baby is. But I am sleeping better. If he does wake the baby it's not that big a deal to get him back to sleep. I was truly resentful that MY rest was being interrupted. I'm not proud to admit what sleep deprivation was doing to me, but now that we fixed the problem, I can actually see what the problem was. So now I face more problems in that light. What are my true motivations? More sleep? More entertainment? Am I doing this for myself or for someone else? Acting on your own behalf is not selfish if it's something you absolutely need. But if you don't recognize why you are doing something, then you have no idea if the behavior is right or whether it needs to be fixed. So take a look at a reoccurring thought or behavior and truly think about what causes it within you. Then you can decided if you want to keep it or not. :)
25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 3. Be Repetitive!
I am often thankful for my health. I have thought about it in the past, I am happy about it now, and I'm sure the subject will come up again. That is how I truly got my start in being thankful. Remember me talking about being thankful for the mountains or the ocean? I would be camping or hiking or swimming and the surroundings would make me pause. Than I would feel gratefulness was over me. But I would remember the exact same thing happening the last time!
At first I had some weird and negative thoughts, but I have learned it's perfectly ok! For example, every year at Thanksgiving I hear people say they are grateful for friends and family. You wouldn't dream of saying, 'Oh I can't be thankful for that again, I was thankful for that last year." That would be ridiculous! Go ahead and be thankful for the same thing over and over! If you are thankful your parking spot is right outside the door, and you remember it every day, good job! That's not silly at all! Keep it up and soon it will be a habit.
At first I had some weird and negative thoughts, but I have learned it's perfectly ok! For example, every year at Thanksgiving I hear people say they are grateful for friends and family. You wouldn't dream of saying, 'Oh I can't be thankful for that again, I was thankful for that last year." That would be ridiculous! Go ahead and be thankful for the same thing over and over! If you are thankful your parking spot is right outside the door, and you remember it every day, good job! That's not silly at all! Keep it up and soon it will be a habit.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 1. Go Big!
It seems nostalgia and thankfulness get me into the Holiday mood. And I like to remind myself to be thankful as often as possible. Sorry, I don't know how exactly to tell you how to incorporate that into your life, but I will tell you generally how I have developed it in mine so that hopefully you will get some ideas.
Usually it begins with a moment. So many people have lost the ability to take a breath and Contemplate the moment they are in. It is easiest to start doing when you are in a moment of awe, I have found. So I guess that would be tip #1. Start Big. :) When you see something that puts you in awe, you automatically stop to contemplate and appreciate. The mountains in Yosemite, the ocean, a new baby, the person you love sleeping beside you, all of those things can automatically make you take pause. That's the moment it is easiest for me to remember to be thankful. So I talk to God. It goes something like this:
Dear God, thank you for X.
Or
Dear God, thank you for letting me be alive to see X.
See? The actual thankfulness is the easy part. Remembering is hard, but find those moments and work it in. Eventually you find smaller and smaller things to be thankful for. Today I was thankful I found a CD with classic Christmas songs on it. :)
Usually it begins with a moment. So many people have lost the ability to take a breath and Contemplate the moment they are in. It is easiest to start doing when you are in a moment of awe, I have found. So I guess that would be tip #1. Start Big. :) When you see something that puts you in awe, you automatically stop to contemplate and appreciate. The mountains in Yosemite, the ocean, a new baby, the person you love sleeping beside you, all of those things can automatically make you take pause. That's the moment it is easiest for me to remember to be thankful. So I talk to God. It goes something like this:
Dear God, thank you for X.
Or
Dear God, thank you for letting me be alive to see X.
See? The actual thankfulness is the easy part. Remembering is hard, but find those moments and work it in. Eventually you find smaller and smaller things to be thankful for. Today I was thankful I found a CD with classic Christmas songs on it. :)
25 Days of Thankfulness: Day 2. Build On It!
I am hoping to be quite prolific this month, at least till Christmas. I started the 25 days of Thankfulness yesterday (the 1st), though I couldn't post until this morning. That means 2 posts today! That may happen with these if I get behind. Today I am thankful for technology!
In this morning's sermon at Mass, our deacon talked about time and all of our time saving gadgets. Today we are all about time saving, time management, and time efficiency. However he says we haven't learned how to spend time or increase its quality. I have has my own issues with time, which I'm sure will be another post. But I do know that technology has contributed good things to my time. So I am thankful for that.
Thinking about it has also prompted me to think of all the other things that are associated with technology to be thankful for. So that's Tip #2. When you think of something to be thankful for, build on it. For example, with technology you could be thankful for the money to purchase it, the physical ability to use it, or the time to enjoy it. It's up to you, but it's a good exercise. Next time you're thankful for something, think of one thing associated with it to build upon your thankfulness.
In this morning's sermon at Mass, our deacon talked about time and all of our time saving gadgets. Today we are all about time saving, time management, and time efficiency. However he says we haven't learned how to spend time or increase its quality. I have has my own issues with time, which I'm sure will be another post. But I do know that technology has contributed good things to my time. So I am thankful for that.
Thinking about it has also prompted me to think of all the other things that are associated with technology to be thankful for. So that's Tip #2. When you think of something to be thankful for, build on it. For example, with technology you could be thankful for the money to purchase it, the physical ability to use it, or the time to enjoy it. It's up to you, but it's a good exercise. Next time you're thankful for something, think of one thing associated with it to build upon your thankfulness.
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