A little insight into the heart/gut/mind battle. There is a popular TV show called Bones. I am rather entertained by the show, and the main character is all about logic. However, she has a baby girl, and after being told it's ok for her to be away from her baby, she says something along the lines of "I know it isn't logical, but I just can't do it." My other sister in law told me about the line, and it's actually what got me to watch the show. 7 seasons just to get to a line. :)
But I often feel the same way. It is usually my gut doing the talking. I used to be a childcare giver. Babysitter? Nanny? However you'd like to put it, I used to do it for a living. I did a very good job. I was certified in emergency care, and the kids liked me. I didn't often have problems. I've taken care of many babies. I've changed a lot of diapers prior to becoming a mom. It's not super difficult. You know the part where you grab their leg or ankles and lift to get underneath? Yeah, I've done that move hundreds of times. That's how you change a diaper. But after my son was born? Suddenly I doubted myself. My heart screamed, "You're too rough!" My mind nagged "You could pull his hip out of its socket." And my gut told them both to shut up. (Thankfully!)
This is what is happening to me all the time! I have this war inside, probably prompted by the fact that I used to be a competent caregiver and suddenly it's a different story because the child is my own. Is that what makes the difference? I've been examining my thoughts and feelings trying to get to the bottom of this and become the confident mama I want to be. Does anyone else have this problem? Where logic says one thing but your heart or gut says another? How do you resolve it?
No comments:
Post a Comment